Joy to the World
“Joy to the World, the Lord is come!”
What do you imagine when you hear this song? I think many people will associate it with Christmas time. In Japan, however, it signals the arrival of a truck selling kerosene for heating as the weather turns cold. Our family used to rely on a stove, but now we have switched to underfloor heating, which has greatly improved our comfort. We no longer need stoves that pose a fire risk and underfloor heating is sufficient to warm the entire room.
Kotohajime
In the United States, Thanksgiving signaled the approaching end of the year. After Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year quickly follow—typically a time of fun and celebration. However, in Japan, the year-end period feels more intense, with numerous tasks to complete.
On December 13th in Kyoto, a traditional event called “Kotohajime” marks the commencement of New Year’s preparations. This centuries-old custom embodies the concept of fresh starts and new beginnings, symbolizing a period of reflection and preparation for the upcoming year.
Like many in Japan, I have year-end holiday parties with colleagues and friends, known as bonenkai. However, I find these social gatherings increasingly challenging and I fear to attend. The pressure to maintain perfect etiquette, carefully monitor what I talk about, and make a positive impression feels exhausting. Unlike my younger age, I no longer wish to spend my precious time feeling anxious and ultimately exhausted. While I cannot attend the work gathering, I am committed to my tea bonenkai, though I’m uncertain why I agreed to participate.
Fear and Ego
On the other hand, I have a strong desire to collaborate with others, stand out at work, and take on greater responsibilities, but fear often holds me back. People see me as confident and outspoken, since I was raised and worked in the United States, although my internal feelings tell a different story. I was struggling between people’s expectations and what I am. I’m almost to the point of living half of my life, but do I need to change? What am I?
In discussing this with my coach, she told me there are two sides of how people feel, fear and ego. I learned that fear is a natural emotional response to perceived threats, triggering physiological changes like increased heart rate while it serves as a protective mechanism. Additionally, the ego plays a significant role in shaping our self-identity, the inner voice or your sense of who you are.
When I spoke to my coach about my boss, she mentioned that my boss feels a fear of losing me, suggesting that I should view this as an opportunity. I decided to embrace this knowledge at the year-end party. I decided to let my own fears fade into the background, with of course a bit of wine.
How did it go? I must admit, I had a great time. In some ways, the direct questions people asked made me feel more at ease than if they were discussing behind my back. I realized that a little bit of self-disclosure might have helped ease the stress. Afterall, I can always make an excuse saying, “Well, it was at the party with a bit of wine.”
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