Struggle
I have been searching for tips on how to make communications better with people who work with me. In my work life I had many difficulties with my supervisors which I always thought they weren’t “supervising” me. None of them knew what I was good at, what I wanted, and what made me happy. I had to fight for everything.
The first company I started as a newly graduate, the first day a guy came and threw a question to me.
“Are you thinking of quitting when you get married?”
Mmm very interesting question. I did not know how to answer but his intent was that it would be a loss of his time and effort to teach somebody that would quit when the time came. Very selfish only thinking about himself but it might have been how Japan was in those days.
In the second company, the boss wanted to prevent everything I did. She wanted to lead everything, even if her boss told her to give the job to me, she wouldn’t or she would go against it. She would attack me with words and questions in front of other people and leave me feeling ashamed.
At the third company, the boss didn’t know me at all, the same as before. He was only interested in himself but he would speak out that women should stand out, women are more talented than men, but when it was time to give me the evaluation, he gave good evaluation to women in order of age.
“I decided to put another person up the ladder because she’s two years older than you. It’s not right that she hadn’t been evaluated correctly from the past thinking about her age.”
Hello? Where do I stand? He wasn’t her boss, he was my boss but had to push her up because of age.
From these experiences, naturally I began to think that I do not want any women nor men feeling like I did.
Hi, how are you?
When I started working in New Jersey, I was surprised that people would say “Hi, how are you?” to anyone who came across even if we never talked. I remember the same feeling when I was in 6th grade. My parents took me to YellowStone National Park on a summer vacation. We would be walking around and people would say, “Hi” or “After you”. Maybe these words meant nothing. It might have been words that came out just to be nice. But it made me feel comfortable, at least for me.
People from outside of Japan would think that Japanese people are nice and friendly. They are, no doubt about it. People care for other people, want to help people, especially when natural disasters happen.
But as Biden said that Japan is “Xenophobic” along with Russia, India, and China1, there are a lot of opinions to this but I think he is correct in a way. Japan is an island country that needs time to accept people outside. Even in history when the famous Francis Xavier came in 15492, some people treated him nice, but most of them did not. People were frightening to see a person that looked different and spoke in a different language.
Japan’s self-sufficiency is decreasing every year, it was 58% in production cost in 2022 (Japanese government is targeting 75% in 2030). Japan’s national debt is nearly 9.2 Trillion US dollars, highest in the developing country3. Even Jim Rogers mentions that Japan does not have any Equity to invest for Japan’s further development.
Then, what do we do? Jim mentions that the only way Japan can survive is to accept immigrants and be a tourist country, but this is hard for Japanese people. As I said before, we tend to refuse, more scared for outside people to come, thinking they would increase crimes.
But what if?
What if we get to know more about the country, the people, the culture, the technology? What if we say “Hi, how are you?” and smile to everyone?
Difference between communication and dialogue
In Japanese tea, if we are going to eat sweets or drink the tea before somebody, there is a rule to say, “Excuse me” with the other person saying “After you” or “Go ahead”. By just a short communication like this, it makes people feel a little more comfortable than sitting next to somebody without any word.
But communication is just giving information. On the other hand, dialogue is a conversation that makes people acknowledge things that were not noticeable through words that create a new spark. Generally communication is thought of as an important procedure, though to think about the real meaning the words are taken wrong including myself. To know and understand people, conversation is the key point.
If the situation is at work, don’t worry about setting up a meeting just to have a small talk, just 3 minutes of daily conversation will be enough while waiting for the elevator or a train to come, walking to the office. Just 3 minutes in your daily routine. You will know the person better, understand their goals, what they are thinking of, and what their interests are. Companies or people tend to have morning meetings or lunch meetings in their group but that does not solve any of the organizational problems. Communication is not the key. We need to have dialogues and think or investigate what the person wants and what the issues are.
I think after all, relationships lie under trust.
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